Socialising challenge

Hey everyone, so today my anxiety is kicking off. I am going away for two nights.
Everything that I will be doing is and should be enjoyable but at the same time it isn't. So thought I would have a quick writing sesh! see if it helps.

My mind is thinking towards my next two days ahead and it is almost funny isn't it - The curse of anxiety - I want to be sociable but it drains me and I struggle with it. If I sit at home alone I over think, get depressed, lonely. Which do I do?

I am trying to BALANCE. Plan in social events but plan in time in my day to be home and to be resting or relaxing. Works for a while but then I get exhausted and cant keep at it. I think my main issue is I give myself a hard time when I shouldn't I compare myself to others and think they have busier lives, they do more and I cant cope with my part time work and limited social activities. I worry what they think of me, do they think I am lazy? I hate getting asked why I am a part time worker and yet I am not a mum or anything else. I feel so judged and pathetic. I want to tell people I am doing all  I can manage at the moment but I don't I make ecscuses or brush off the conversation, depending on my mood or whether I feel the other person is going to understand me.

Anyway I am going for once not got the thoughts of cancelling or backing out which is a massive improvement for me. No doubt I will be exhausted and suffer some my usual physical symptoms BUT I will be there and I am going to try and have a positive mind set and I will let you know how I get on. Have a fantastic day all xx