Is it just me?

I have felt anxious, lonely and depressed for many years. Never having yet fully recovered or gained the support I need. I have been through many counsellors, medications and GP's. Highs and lows, new starts, rock bottoms. It's easy to feel nothing has worked and it’s all hopeless I am the way I am and life will just always be harder for me than others. But I have learnt something that after nearly 20 years has only just become clear to me.

 I need support that is constant, secure and personalised just for me.

 I can change my life, I can overcome all my anxieties. I just haven't had the consistent, ongoing support I need to do so yet.

I have always been time limited, been discharged without even beginning to dig to depths of what I need to go into to have any chance of recovery. There is always a long wait for any support so by the time I get it I am far lower than I was. I have become frustrated and not just for myself. I am certain I am far from alone in this.

 Has anyone else felt so low and worthless and as though it wouldn't matter whether you exist or not anymore? What have you needed in that moment? I needed a friend who could just magically be there and know without me telling them where I was mentally. I needed something to make me feel more positive and supported. I needed security. I needed reassurance and rebuilding.

 What happens when you don’t get this? You go around and around in cycles like I have until your whole life is affected in some way. A social anxiety can spread to other areas of your life, unnoticed and avoided but then suddenly eating is a problem, or certain sounds cause anxiety and then you avoid certain places and activities. You limit your world and have no idea how to get yourself out of it all.

 I want to share my experiences and ideas in the hope of helping others. I would like to one day realise the dream of everybody being able to access support they need when they need it. To stop the cycles of anxiety and depression I have experienced. To stop anyone else from 20 years of suffering before they even realise anxiety is not a personality trait or a lifelong companion it’s just a thought or feeling that can be overcome and kept away. Life can be enjoyed, I promise it can. I am not there yet but I am realising I have had the wrong perception of it all in my head. No matter how deep I am within it I can change it. I am certain I am not alone and if by baring my soul like this I help one other person feel better then this will have been worth it.