Socialising challenge part two

I am home, survived it all and even managed some enjoyable moments. Am feeling proud of myself. I am extremely exhausted though, my legs ache and head hurts with the all so familiar drained from anxiety feeling as I call it. Does anyone else get this??

I ate all my meals out while away and took part in every planned social engagement. I even hung out in the bar/lounge in the afternoon which is so amazing for me. I would definitely have normally hidden in my room and relaxed in there. I did get my usual stomach issues from pushing myself to do this, But I felt a slightest tiniest change and sense of achievement that I wouldn't have believed possible even only a year ago.

There was an anxiety attack moment but I managed to stop it from becoming a full on attack. The unplanned and spontaneous suggestion of a massage in the spa was too much for me. The anxiety hit and I felt so uncomfortable about my body I couldn't do it. It's such a shame as I needed and wanted a massage but I couldn't face the anxiety, easier not to bother. So I spent a few minutes crying and battling in my head about how sad I was and fearing the anxiety stirring up inside me. I dwelled upon the thoughts that this was now yet another place that use to be nice for me that has become another hurdle to reconquer. I always loved a spa and swimming pool, sauna etc. a day for me that I could relax in. That's gone, the anxiety creeps in, too many people, I have gained weight, I am too fat and pale, I look awful without make up, everyone is judging me.... all so real in my head though. Wish I was care free in that environment again.

My counsellor would be having a field day, I write about one sentence being positive then focus in on the negative. I will try to and spend longer on the positive next time. Overall a good break away and there were small steps forward and one or two backwards.

For now I will relax and then back to work on my ideas for immediate support for everyone in same position as me. I need to decide what to try first, an instant chat option? motivational or uplifting statements? stories, music, signposting to other support. What would you want at the times you feel lowest and don't have an immediate friend there. What would help give that slightest of pick up's or stop the escalation downwards? what would you want from a friend at that moment?